Wednesday, August 11, 2004

see...hands free!

Nikki: oh! he's very new. (stunned that this woman answered the door while breastfeeding her newborn.)
Jenny: yes, just a few weeks.
Nikki: wow. well i can come back.
Jenny: no really. this thing (tugging on a strap wrapped around her neck) is great. it holds my baby level while he feeds. See, he's lying on a foam platform that rests like a shelf against my abdomen.
Nikki: (yes, but i can see your breasts!!) Oh, hey that's cool. So..I'm with the Democratic National Committee.
Jenny: oh i'm glad you are here. I wanted to send in money...I can do that through you?
Nikki: yes!
Jenny: great i'll write you a check.
Nikki: (quit looking at her breasts! god, i feel like a guy.) oh! well i can come back if you want to wait until he's finished.
Jenny: oh, i can do it here. See...hands free! (streches out her arms to the side. blanket falls down to reveal EVERYTHING) Oops!
Nikki: oops! Well, that thing must be a godsend. (trying to focus on the harness)
Jenny: Yes and it's called "My Breast Friend"
Nikki: (hysterical laughter) No...that's too much!
Jenny: Isn't it great?


Blogger Eric Rodenbeck said...

So my question is - do those platforms come in Eric size?

9:28 AM  
Blogger What's Shakin'? said...

The key is to stare at the EYES. Make sure to blink every so often or else you end up looking like a total creep-ola. Appear relaxed. Breathe.

Here's a simple mantra that a guy might invoke in this situation: "No matter how deliciously abundant and god-given this view of these magnificent breasts are, I will not use this opportunity to use my photographic memory of these mammories for 'personal' use. I am here not to look at these beautiful mounds, but to get George W. Bush (hehe, I said: Bush) and Dick Cheney (hehe, I said: Dick) out of office and get John Kerry (hehe, I said: John) and John Edwards (hehe, I said: John) into office. Keep eye contact... Focus, dammit, focus!"

Hope this helps.


9:47 AM  
Blogger What's Shakin'? said...

So, what you're saying is that you want a platform so a baby can suckle on your non-functional nipples? Listen, pal, do us all a favor and keep your little fetishes out of this comment area, ok? We're trying to be civilized here, for cryin' out loud! Sheesh...

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